When I was 4 Yrs Old: My father is THE BEST
When I was 6 Yrs Old: My father seems to know everyone
When I was 10 Yrs Old: My father is excellent but he is short tempered
When I was 12 Yrs Old: My father was nice when I was little
When I was 14 Yrs Old: My father started being too sensitive
When I was 16 Yrs Old: My father can't keep up with modern time
When I was 18 Yrs Old: My father is getting less tolerant as the days pass by.
When I was 20 Yrs Old: It is too hard to forgive my father, how could my Mum stand him all these years.
When I was 25 Yrs Old: My father seems to be objecting to everything I do!
When I was 30 Yrs Old: It's very difficult to be in agreement with my father, I wonder if my Grandfather was troubled by my father when he was a youth.
When I was 40 Yrs Old: My father brought me up with a lot of discipline, I must do the same
When I was 45 Yrs Old: I am puzzled, how did my father manage to raise all of us
When I was 50 Yrs Old: It's rather difficult to control my kids, how much did my father suffer for the sake of upbringing and protecting us
When I was 55 Yrs Old: My father was far looking and had wide plans for us, he was gentle and outstanding.
When I became 60 Yrs Old: My father is THE BEST
Conclusion:
Note that it took 56 Yrs to complete the cycle and return to the starting point "My father is THE BEST "
Let's be good to our parents before it's too late and pray to Allah that our own children will treat us even better than the way we treated our parents.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Oracle's Real-Life Q & A
Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. 'Parent keys not found!'
Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'
Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'
Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend and get kicked out?
A. 'Insufficient privileges on the specified object!'
Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved !'
Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. 'SELECT INTO returns too many rows!'
Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'
Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. 'Object is found mutating!'
Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'
Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'
Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace!'
A. 'Parent keys not found!'
Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'
Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'
Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend and get kicked out?
A. 'Insufficient privileges on the specified object!'
Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved !'
Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. 'SELECT INTO returns too many rows!'
Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'
Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. 'Object is found mutating!'
Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'
Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'
Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace!'
Monday, April 20, 2009
Management Course
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand.. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand.. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A Letter To Bill Gates
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Monday, April 6, 2009
Transformers 2 Characters
Below are the official characters of the new transformers movie Revenge Of The Fallen:
Autobots
Optimus Prime whose alternate form is a Peterbilt truck.
Ironhide the weapons specialist, who transforms into a GMC Topkick.
Ratchet the medic, and a Hummer H2.
Bumblebee, who will now be a 2010 Chevorlet Camaro.
Arcee, the female Autobot, who will be Megan Fox's pink motorcycle. She was actualy supposed to be in the first movie, but Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci felt "we needed to win the audience over before asking for that suspension of disbelief: a feminine alien robot."
Jolt, originally a Decepticon, but in this he's a good guy. He'll be switching into a Chevrolet Volt plug-in hybrid.
Jetfire, an older Decepticon who switches sides, and transforms into a SR71 Blackbird jet. According to Michael Bay: "He's old, craggy, forgetful ... doesn't work very well. Can't transform very well, because he's very geriatric. They get stuck with him a lot. He knows the plan of the bad guys, but he forgets all the good parts of the plan."
Skid and Mudflap, a.k.a. "The Twins" a.k.a. Chevrolet Beat and Trax concept cars."Some of the junior Transformers are just dumb. But it's great for kids because they're like the Little Engine That Could. They're (screw)-ups, but they get really heroic at the end," says Bay.
Sideswipe, who was a bright red Lamborghini in the original will now be a GM silver Corvette Stingray concept car.
Decepticons
Starscream, Megatron's one-time second in command. He's a F-22 Raptor jet, and can be seen in the gallery below.
Scorponok, the memorable mechanical scorpion
Sideways, who is the Audi R8 crashing through a building in the trailer
Ravage, the mechanical jaguar. He's the one Orci and Kurtzman seem to be the most excited about. "In the spirit of 'more than meets the eye,' Ravage isn't just lethal because of his sharp teeth," says Kurtzman. "There's actually another skill set Ravage has that didn't exist before, so there's going to be a surprise for fans." He'll still be the ultimate spy connected to Soundwave.
Soundwave, who was originally a cassette player in the toys, he will now be an orbiting space satellite. "They are still connected," Orci says of Soundwave and his pet. "But rather than trying to hold onto a notion as antiquated as an audiotape, which some members of our audience have maybe never laid eyes on, we wanted to go a new way."
There's photos of him in the gallery.
The Doctor, a spiderlike droid who can turn into instruments of torture. He'll be set loose on Shia LeBeouf's Sam so consider it revenge for Mutt!
Wheelie, a small radio-controlled truck.
Demolisher, one of the Constructicons that transform into construction vehicles.
Devestator, a giant robot formed by all the Constructicons (Scavenger, Scrapper, Hightower, Longhaul, Rampage, Overload and Mixmaster) joining together."He's made of vehicles designed to build, and he turns into is someone who loves to destroy,".
Last but not least is the title character of The Fallen. He's an ancient robot, the Transformers' version of Lucifer, whose arrogance caused him to be banished. He's the key to life on Earth and Cybertron.
Source
Autobots
Optimus Prime whose alternate form is a Peterbilt truck.
Ironhide the weapons specialist, who transforms into a GMC Topkick.
Ratchet the medic, and a Hummer H2.
Bumblebee, who will now be a 2010 Chevorlet Camaro.
Arcee, the female Autobot, who will be Megan Fox's pink motorcycle. She was actualy supposed to be in the first movie, but Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci felt "we needed to win the audience over before asking for that suspension of disbelief: a feminine alien robot."
Jolt, originally a Decepticon, but in this he's a good guy. He'll be switching into a Chevrolet Volt plug-in hybrid.
Jetfire, an older Decepticon who switches sides, and transforms into a SR71 Blackbird jet. According to Michael Bay: "He's old, craggy, forgetful ... doesn't work very well. Can't transform very well, because he's very geriatric. They get stuck with him a lot. He knows the plan of the bad guys, but he forgets all the good parts of the plan."
Skid and Mudflap, a.k.a. "The Twins" a.k.a. Chevrolet Beat and Trax concept cars."Some of the junior Transformers are just dumb. But it's great for kids because they're like the Little Engine That Could. They're (screw)-ups, but they get really heroic at the end," says Bay.
Sideswipe, who was a bright red Lamborghini in the original will now be a GM silver Corvette Stingray concept car.
Decepticons
Starscream, Megatron's one-time second in command. He's a F-22 Raptor jet, and can be seen in the gallery below.
Scorponok, the memorable mechanical scorpion
Sideways, who is the Audi R8 crashing through a building in the trailer
Ravage, the mechanical jaguar. He's the one Orci and Kurtzman seem to be the most excited about. "In the spirit of 'more than meets the eye,' Ravage isn't just lethal because of his sharp teeth," says Kurtzman. "There's actually another skill set Ravage has that didn't exist before, so there's going to be a surprise for fans." He'll still be the ultimate spy connected to Soundwave.
Soundwave, who was originally a cassette player in the toys, he will now be an orbiting space satellite. "They are still connected," Orci says of Soundwave and his pet. "But rather than trying to hold onto a notion as antiquated as an audiotape, which some members of our audience have maybe never laid eyes on, we wanted to go a new way."
There's photos of him in the gallery.
The Doctor, a spiderlike droid who can turn into instruments of torture. He'll be set loose on Shia LeBeouf's Sam so consider it revenge for Mutt!
Wheelie, a small radio-controlled truck.
Demolisher, one of the Constructicons that transform into construction vehicles.
Devestator, a giant robot formed by all the Constructicons (Scavenger, Scrapper, Hightower, Longhaul, Rampage, Overload and Mixmaster) joining together."He's made of vehicles designed to build, and he turns into is someone who loves to destroy,".
Last but not least is the title character of The Fallen. He's an ancient robot, the Transformers' version of Lucifer, whose arrogance caused him to be banished. He's the key to life on Earth and Cybertron.
Source
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
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